Days like today often cause me to pause to reflect on how blessed I am.
So very blessed, in fact.
Blessed to be a mom.
And to have such a great mom of my own.
I know so many women struggle with infertility, or have lost children, or lost their own mothers... and I know today must be difficult. So today, I thank God for blessing me far beyond what I deserve. For entrusting two of the most beautiful children in my care. For their health, and mine, and that of my family. Is there really anything more precious or valuable than that?
Today has been emotional for me.
My babies are growing up.
They really are.
And while I feel beyond blessed, I can't help but also feel a little sad to see them grow so quickly. To think how in a blink of an eye they're going to be all grown, and gone... well, it just makes my heart hurt. And so today, I've shed lots of tears. Happy tears for being such a blessed mama. For the joy my children bring. For getting to cut my own Mother's Day bouquet from the backyard with my children. For being surprised by the bulletin insert (below), on why Elizabeth thinks I'm special :) And for all the hugs and kisses I got, and gave, in this day. But, by the same token, also tears of grief for the babies who are quickly disappearing before my eyes. I sometimes wish with all my heart that I could just stop time. This phase of my life is so trying, and so exhausting... but also so wonderful. I love my children so much. I love this time in our lives. I don't want to let it go, and yet it's moving by so fast that I can barely catch my breath and soak it in.
You know, it's funny. For the past few weeks, I keep thinking about how "sticky" all our furniture is. Seriously! No matter how hard I scrub, everything in our home seems perpetually sticky--the floors, the chairs, the tables, the door knobs, even the walls. Sticky! And while I find this annoying, and tiresome, and frustrating, I can't help but think how one day I will miss my sticky home. I will miss finding little hand prints on the walls. I will miss the clutter, and the chaos. Because with it comes so much more. And so while I try my best to cherish these days, I can't help but feel sad in the realization that they are moving by so fast. Sad in the realization that one day my home won't be sticky any more.
To top it off, I feel guilty. Guilty for feeling sad, because I know so many women don't have children, or have lost children... and I think to myself how rotten I must be for feeling sad that my children are growing up, when I have the honor of having children who are growing up. But I do feel that way. I can't help it. And I wonder, what mom hasn't secretly felt that way as well? Hasn't grieved for how quickly her children (her world) are growing? And how quickly life is passing by? Am I alone?
I wanted to end this post with something a friend of mine wrote on Facebook today. I thought she said it far better than I could ever attempt to say...
"To those who are mothers now, and to those who desperately wish to be, to those who long for more children, to those who are expecting, and for those who have suffered with infertility or suffered the loss of a child or a mother, whether through birth or through the heart, Happy Mother's Day!"
And might I add... to those of us who are blessed with children, and wonderful mamas of our own, let us enjoy them to the fullest in each day we are given.
Happy Mother's Day!
