This past week we somehow managed to trudge through Elizabeth's first bout with a little stomach virus. I'm not exactly sure where she picked it up, but needless to say, it wasn't pretty. Aside from dealing with the obvious symptoms that come from a stomach virus (I'll leave out the chunky, graphic details), the hardest part was seeing my once active little girl--so quiet, calm, and listless. Definitely not "typical" Elizabeth, who never stops going all day long. Needless to say, it definitely had me worried. It also forced me to realize what a blessing it is to have a healthy child. And also how much I've taken for granted that blessing.
When I was pregnant with Elizabeth, I prayed (like all expectant mothers) that the baby would be born, above all, healthy. And what joy in those first hours in knowing she was okay. She had all her little parts, and everything seemed to be functioning as it should... especially those beautiful, powerful lungs of hers! What a relief! What a blessing and a relief!
When Elizabeth was crying in pain this past week, or lying listlessly from the virus, I couldn't help but think about parents who are forced to deal with this on a daily basis--whose child is seriously ill, even terminally so. I simply can't imagine that kind of pain, and pray I never have to know.
I think as a mother... along with the self-crushing love you feel for your child, also comes the fear of losing that love. I doubt I'm the only mother to feel that way, even when everything is going just fine.
In the first days home from the hospital, it's hard as a new mom not to wake up a dozen times each night, griped with the fear that something is wrong, only to be relieved at the sight of a sleeping baby in the bassinet below. Even now that Elizabeth is close to a year, there are moments when I'm forced to go in and check on her... That fear is one I don't think you can escape as a mother, but it's a feeling I don't try to hold on to when it does hit me.
Adding to this feeling was the news of the recent passing of a student from leukemia. She was not one of my former students, but was a student at the time I taught. And from what I've heard she was a vivacious, intelligent, wonderful student at that. And above all, a child. Someone's child. Someone's baby girl. There simply are no words to describe the pain I feel for such a loss, and can only imagine the pain her parents and family are dealing with right now! I suppose it must take a strong faith in God to keep you going, as a parent, after such a tragedy. And even with great faith, it must still feel like hell on earth. Again, a pain I hope and pray I never have to bear.
Geez! I didn't mean for this post to turn so depressing. It's just... well...how does that saying go? "Before I was a mother, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body." I guess that sorta sums it up in a nutshell.
Anyway, to end on a more positive note, I should add that Elizabeth is feeling almost all back to normal, holding down her liquids and solids, and playing like usual. She's even started a few new tricks... snorting like a pig when she sees a pig in a book (its so cute!), playing soccer with daddy (she will actually kick the ball when we yell "kick it!" a million times), along with more ASL signs, including monkey, book, bird, bear, dinosaur, butterfly, baby, and car :)
What an amazing little girl! How blessed are we?!
