Friendly Advice :)

The following are commonly asked questions/comments that I'd like to clarify once and for all! Hopefully in doing so, I will NOT have to be subjected to them again!
__

Q. Are you sure there's only one in there?!

A. I know I look big enough to be carrying twins, and feel like I'm big enough to be carrying triplets, but this insinuation only makes a big, fat, miserably exhausted pregnant girl feel a hundred times bigger, fatter and more miserably exhausted. In short, YES, I'm sure there's just one in there!
__

Q. You look like you're about to pop!

A. Why, thank you. The next time you or a part of your body looks like it is about to explode, I'll be sure to let you know. Please let me know how that makes you feel.
__

Q. When are you due?

A. I am due Sept. 4th (technically a day after Labor Day, although I usually just say Labor Day). While this question doesn't bother me the first two or three times you ask, asking it over-and-over again, only results in frustrating me further. Ask it once! If you can't remember a day later, don't ask me again!
__

Q. Will that baby be able to come out?

A. I assure you that one way or another this baby will come out. Insinuating that it is too big to fit the normal way is aggravating and only serves to psyche out this all-star before the big game!
__

Q. Aren't you just the cutest pregnant girl?!

A. I don't feel cute, and with swollen ankles, stretch marks, and an enormous belly, I don't feel I look cute, either. Constantly insisting that I am is a nice attempt at making me feel better, but it usually just ends up making me pissed off.
__

Q. How do you plan on losing your baby weight?

A. I don't remember asking you how you planned on losing your extra pounds. Tell me your plan of getting into shape, and then I'll tell you mine.
__

And finally...

Q. How are you feeling?

A. I'm 9 months pregnant... how do you think I'm feeling? I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in several months. The weight of carrying around this enormous belly makes my back feel like it is literally about to snap in half. I have swollen fibroids that ache and are painful to the touch. I have swollen feet/ankles that make wearing even flip-flops uncomfortable. I have heartburn like you wouldn't believe, that usually flairs up in the middle of the night, which does nothing to help with the lack of sleep. I have to pee every hour, on the hour (no exceptions in the night). Getting out of bed, or rolling from one side to another is excruciatingly painful and feels like my pelvis is about to rip right off of my body. As of late, I feel sharp stabbing pains down under, literally like a knife stabbing me (apparently the result of the baby sitting on a nerve). It is hard to walk, talk, sit, and stand. In other words, I'm 9 months pregnant. So the next time you think about asking, please don't.