I'm getting so excited that our baby will be here any week now! And as a result, I've been having more and more dreams. In part, I'm sure this has to do with the number of times each night I awake from REM sleep to go to the bathroom (I'm currently getting up every two hours on the dot). But I'm sure the dreams are also coming more frequently because the date is rapidly approaching and it seems as though this is all that's on my mind!
In the past, my dreams of the baby either left the sex ambiguous or it was a girl (usually at an older age... like 3 months). But lately, I've been dreaming of a little boy (newborn). Last night I was simply picking up the little infant from his carseat, and placing him on my chest. He was squirming and trying to grab at my skin like a little monkey trying to hold on to its mother. It was such a precious and tender moment...even though just a dream!
A lot of my dreams also turn into nightmares. Early in my pregnancy, I had a very vivid dream of being in the backseat of a car that my mom was driving, and all of a sudden a huge tornado formed right in front of the car. I looked at my mother and said "We're going to die" and I prayed to God that he would somehow save the baby I was carrying inside me. I could feel the car being lifted into the air, and felt that horrible stomach-drop, like when you are about to decend a rollercoaster. Then everything went white and I woke up. The weirdest part was that the next day I found out that there had been a tornado that completely wiped-out this town in Kansas. Anyway, a few nights ago I had another nightmare... again, I was in the backseat of the car and could see that we were about to be side-swiped. In the dream I wasn't wearing my seatbelt (which if you know me, is NOT something I ever do) and I braced myself for the impact. In the dream I sustained a terrible head injury and was bleeding on my forehead. I was crying out to the paramedics to save my baby, and I remember thinking that the baby was going to be alright, even if I wasn't.
I'm not sure if my dreams are trying to tell me something. Do they indicate hidden fears? Do they somehow suggest the sex of the baby? I'm not sure.
When I'm awake I don't really have any intuition as to the sex; at times it seems like a girl, at times a boy, and most of the time I just have no clue. Most people say that since I'm carrying all out in the front, that it must be a boy. Although, how often does that old wives tale actually prove accurate?
I do know, however, that when I finally hear the words, "Its a ..." I will be completely blown away and overjoyed. It makes me cry just thinking of that moment! Why on earth would anyone WANT to know the sex prior to delivery? That definitely takes the sparkle out of such a magical and spiritual moment! But I have to admit that the anticipation of find out is getting so great that I keep having these terrible fears that the doctor or nurse is going to accidentally reveal it at one of my weekly checkups. Wouldn't that be terrible... we've come all this way without knowing, and then for a doctor or nurse to let it slip... I'd be furious! Hopefully, though, that won't happen.
Yesterday I went shopping for a "coming home outfit" for a boy and a girl. I wanted something really special, that could get passed down one day... a bit formal and a bit vintage... you know a true heirloom piece. This was easy for the girl outfits. I ended up with three little dresses for a girl (of varying sizes). One is white with beautiful red & green trim/details. This one Vassil picked out... it reminds him of the old-fashioned, traditional Bulgarian costumes that women still wear to this day for special occasions/events. They only had it in a "premie" size, but we bought it just in case the baby is small and might fit her. I also bought a 5-8 lb white dress with offwhite/goldish trim/details. It also came with pants and a hat. My favorite, however, is the "Cinderella" brand pink chiffon dress with gorgeous pink beading at the waist. The store only had this one in a 3 months size... so unless the baby is big, it will most likely be saved for later. As for boy "coming home" outfits... I had a MUCH harder time. There seems to be very little out there for boys that isn't super casual. I was trying to find sort of a blue, vintage bloomer type outfit. I did find some cute things at www.grammies-attic.com, but a bit pricey. I ended up with two outifts, both for size 5-8 lbs. One is sort of a velvet overall outfit and the other is a blue/white onesie with matching hat. Cute, but not quite the heirloom piece I was hoping for. Finally, I have one neutral onesie that would look cute for either. It is white with a little yellow duck and it reads "Just Hatched." I thought that might be cute for the hospital picture.
Walking through the aisles at Baby Depot was SO emotional! Especially since yesterday I made Vassil stay home (as he typically impedes the shopping experience) and I went out looking just me and baby. I can't explain what I was feeling then, but just such an overwhelming feeling of love and peace and connection to baby. Sometimes I get so busy with planning for baby, that I sorta forget about baby... if that makes any sense. So it is SO wonderful when I have those moments of just letting it all sink in.
Well, that's all for now. I'll you posted posted on anything new in babyland. Until then, I'll keep "Dreaming of You..."
~Jennifer~
"Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star that somewhere you are
thinking of me too
Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
than here in my room dreaming about you and me
Corazón - No puedo dejar de pensar en ti.
Como te necesito!
Mi amor, como te extraño!"
~Selena~
4 days ago
