And here they are two years later...
You know... I can't help but feel terribly sad and nostalgic when I look at these pictures. It seems like just yesterday that Elizabeth was a tiny baby and we were starting our Babysteps class. And now, look how they've grown! I couldn't help cry a little all the way home thinking about how fast time is flying, how quickly my children are growing, and how soon they will be completely grown and no longer needing me the way they do now. I can almost envision them heading off to college or where ever life leads them, and thinking to myself, "Where did it all go?" It makes me so sad to think about that. Life is so fleeting. And there are times, like today, when I just wish I could freeze time. But I can't. And it makes me so sad. And it makes me long to do better. I have such a small window of time with my babies. I want to be the best mom possible, and I want to look back feeling like I was truly "present" in my children's lives... that I soaked it all in, enjoyed every moment. I want to worry less about the unimportant things (the laundry the dishes the playdough crusted on the hardwood floor-lol, etc.) and try to really be present in my children's lives each day. I can't stop time, but I can do better with the time I do have. And I guess, in the end, that's all we can do.
Here are another few pics from past playdates and classes! At the "reunion" we also got a picture w/all the moms, and once that get's emailed to me, I'll have to add it to the blog!
In case you are wondering, Liam and daddy didn't make it to the reunion. I had planned to bring Liam (several of the other moms from our group have had 2nd children, whom they brought), but he was having a rough morning, very fussy, missed his nap due to church and we fear he might be either teething or possibly developing an ear infection... so daddy stayed home with him. Poor little guy! :(
Speaking of which, sometimes, I've gotta admit, I feel tremendous guilt that Liam doesn't have the same opportunities that Elizabeth did. Oh, the mommy-guilt. You truly don't know what guilt feels like until you become a mother! Everything you do or you don't do leads to insane guilt! You always know its unfounded, but you can't help from feeling it. In Liam's case, I feel tremendous guilt that he didn't get all of the "classes" that Elizabeth got to experience! After all, there was no "Babysteps" class for Liam. This class is reserved for mainly first time moms, not to mention the fact that I wouldn't have had childcare for Elizabeth. And the same is true with all the other classes I took with Elizabeth: Infant Massage, Aquamoms, Baby Signs, Baby Boot Camp, etc. Since those classes do not offer childcare, it just isn't feasible with the two of them. I've often thought about enrolling in something when Elizabeth is in preschool, but quite frankly, I much prefer to have some special one-on-one time with him during that time. So, poor little guy, he's gone without all the fun classes that big sissy got to be apart of! The guilt!
Of course, in all fairness, most of the classes Elizabeth and I took were really for me...
For those loyal followers to the blog, you might remember that "Babysteps" was the class which was organized through the hospital where she was born. There were two six week programs that met 1x per week with the same group of moms and babies. Each week there was a different speaker or program (kindermusic, baby signs, mommy-fitness, infant CPR, etc.), but mainly, it was a way to get out of the house, meet other moms, and share the ups and downs of transitioning into this new and crazy role as mother. We shared the struggles and problems we were facing (sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, colic, sleep deprivation, teething, did I mention sleep deprivation?) and rejoiced together at the milestones our children were reaching. It was a WONDERFUL program. And a HUGE blessing in my life!
I'm not sure if I ever really blogged about it, but the time right after Elizabeth was born was a very difficult period in my life. I was not only adjusting and transitioning to being a mother (what a shock to the system!), but I was also adjusting to no longer being a teacher--and no longer working. This was a huge adjustment since almost all of the people I'd met and formed relationships with after moving to North Carolina were colleagues; I really hadn't met anyone outside of teaching, because, well, teaching is an all-consuming job. You get up at the crack of dawn, work all day, only to be yelled at by students, teachers, parents, and administrators, only to come home a ball of emotions and tears to scarf down dinner, grade papers, plan the next day's lessons, and collapse on the couch in complete mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion. In other words, there was no time for social life (at least not for me) outside of my teaching life. So after having Elizabeth and deciding to stay home, I suddenly found myself all alone, struggling to make sense of all the changes. Suffice it to say, it was hard. It was very hard. So these classes were a huge help for me and such a blessing! Babysteps was the first class, and thereby the one I'm probably most grateful for. Not only did it get me out of the house, but it also helped me adjust to this new life of mine. Babysteps. Very rightly named.
Don't get me wrong, I think Elizabeth benefited tremendously from the classes! In fact, to be completely honest, she was always the shining star in all of the classes we took! At the same time, however, I don't feel Liam is really missing out by not getting the same experience. After all, we are applying everything we learned in those classes (such as baby signs, infant massage, etc.) with Liam at home! And like sissy, he is really a very smart little guy! Very different personality, but just as amazingly smart! And while he didn't get the benefit of the fun classes, he has an amazing big sister (something Elizabeth didn't have) to watch, entertain, and love on all day! No amount of classes can really beat that! So while I do often feel guilty for my second-child and the second-child syndrome, I often remind myself (and am reminded of this by a friend w/two little ones as well--thank you Amy!) of all the wonderful things Liam is getting by being the second child... a sibling to look up to, and parents who are more experienced (and not "as" neurotic). And so I try to think about those things rather than focus on what he isn't getting.
Anyway, albeit brief, our reunion was a very fun time! And I hope we stay in touch better this time around! I can just imagine another picture on that same couch 16 years from now! After all, it won't be long, before those little babies are all grown up! I can just picture it now! Sigh.
