Okay, so you can take the teacher out of the classroom... but you can't stop her from hanging a giant, techni-colored centipede in her bonus room, as a way to count down the days until the baby's arrival! Yes, I said giant, techni-colored centipede. While perusing a teacher supply store with Elizabeth, I spotted this poster set, and couldn't resist. I guess I've been out of the classroom too long!
In case you're wondering, each day we count the centipedes legs, and remove one, as a way to remind us how much (or how little) time is left. We started on day 100... and are very quickly down to 91. Elizabeth definitely doesn't get the concept of time or days (or the symbolism of centipede legs), but it is fun, nevertheless. And she's getting pretty good at counting... up to 19 now (although often dropping 13 and 15 in the process), thanks in part to Sesame Street and (I'd like to think at least) our daily counting of the centipede--hehe!
Now that the big day is drawing so close, I have to admit feeling a tad overwhelmed at times with how much we still have to do. My nesting instincts are in overdrive, and not only do I want to get the baby's room organized/ready/etc. but I also want the house to be relatively complete... and since there are a never-ending list of projects I want/need to accomplish, but not enough time/money to get them done, I often feel completely panicked!
Along with a list of things to do around the house, is a LONG list of things of things we need with the second child. I think a lot of people assume that if your children are close in age, you don't need as much of the baby-stuff. But that is SO far from the truth! Because they are close, we need another crib, another crib mattress, a double stroller, another carseat... and if the baby is a boy... a whole new wardrobe! Not to mention a lot of other gadgets and do-hickies that we didn't get the first time, that this time (knowing better) I really, really want for sanity purposes! Vassil (who's more of a miser than me) saw my list the other day, and I think about had a heart-attack--lol! Thank goodness for Craigslist!
Along with feeling overwhelmed by the shear number of things I need to get completed, is the overwhelming feeling that comes with anticipating a child! I think the anticipation and stress this time around is compounded by my memories of the first. Memories of those first few weeks with Elizabeth are so traumatic... such a tough recovery, so much pain, so little sleep, such an adjustment! So going into it a second time, I often find myself in a bit of a panic, remembering how difficult those first few days, weeks, months can be!
And, of course, who can forget the biggest fear of any expecting mom... will my baby be born healthy? After all, we hit the jackpot with Elizabeth... can we be so lucky a second time? It's something that weighs on my mind!
I've also been worrying a great deal about scheduling/timing matters. Having zero family nearby, I don't know what to do if I go into labor before my mother arrives to help... especially since Elizabeth is still sleeping in a crib, and would no doubt NOT do well with an overnight visit with friends. We've been searching for excellent babysitter references, and are hoping to let Elizabeth and the babysitter get to know each other on multiple occasions just in case she were needed to come watch Elizabeth in the night. Not something I'm excited about... an (almost) STRANGER watching my baby! But I feel its really the only option we have in the event that my mom does not arrive in time.
Then there's the whole, when SHOULD my mom arrive question? How does one go about timing this? Do we fly her out two weeks before my due date, a week before, when? And while I love my family and Vassil's family to pieces, I can't help feeling a tad worried about the stream of overnight visitors that are to come in the months ahead! I remember it being SO UNBELIEVEABLY stressful last time... trying to hold it together (physically, emotionally) and entertain our family--when all I wanted was to be alone at times, to cry, to walk around naked (yes, naked... I had a horrible PUPPS rash, remember), and to RELAX! Not that we don't love our family... we LOVE our family! But when you are in pain, and swollen, and seriously hormonal (but trying to pretend you have it all together) then having to entertain guests (let alone put on clothes for guests) was challenging! I remember feeling like a kettle about to blow its top!
To top it off, at times I find myself totally overwhelmed thinking about the enormous changes Elizabeth is going to soon face. The baby isn't even here yet, and I already feel guilty for the fact that she will have less time with mommy! Even though I know that having a sibling close in age is going to be such a precious gift down the line, I also know it is going to be a rocky adjustment at first! By the same token, I also feel guilty for the baby to come... s/he will NEVER get the same undivided attention Elizabeth received... spending all day playing, cuddling, staring at one another, not possible with a demanding 2 year old. Likewise, all the mommy-and-me classes that Elizabeth experienced will be out the window for this next kiddo, since it wouldn't be kosher to bring a 2 year along, too. My poor second child! And while it's SO cliche... a part of me often wonders, how on earth can I love another child the way I love Elizabeth? Of course, I know I will... a mother's love grows... but still, from this vantage point, it's something, another something, I fret over.
Anyway, I DO know that most of these things I'm worrying about will be resolved in time. And if some of the items don't get checked off my list, well, life will somehow work out nonetheless.
Likewise, along with memories of how difficult it was with Elizabeth, are also memories of how AMAZING it was! I'm trying my best to focus on that, to remember how sweet it was to have a tiny infant... those little toes, that tight grip on my finger, those eyes piercing into mine, the first smiles, and giggles... SO much joy! So when my mind starts racing and I start panicking over my list, I try my best to think of these things!
Similarly, I've been trying my best to remind myself that GOD IS IN CONTROL! Far too often I forget that I need to surrender all these worries and fears to Him, having faith in HIS plan which WILL work together for good! And remembering that sometimes His "good" and His "plan" is a whole lot different from my own... but in the end, it all works out to His glory! And I REALLY need to do a better job of not just remembering that, but applying it in my life! His eye is on the sparrow, after all.
Still... with 91 centipede legs to go... it can, at times, feel a bit overwhelming! So please pray that I can surrender this anxiety... and enjoy the rest of this ride! Life really is good, and in the end, there's no sense in stressing over the little things, especially when in 91 centipede legs longer I will have another precious bundle in my life! And really, how stinkin' cool is that?!
