Okay, so I've come to the conclusion that raising a toddler is a lot like raising a teenager.
For starters, each day is a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows! One minute they are happy and content and all is well, a second later and they are crying in hysterics, a few seconds after that they are back to being just fine, followed shortly thereafter by a burst of anger. On a similar note, both toddlers and teens want everything done their way, they think only of themselves, and think they know everything. They both have a speaking-vocabulary of about 20 words, and both love picture books,cartoon characters, and cell phones. They are both picky eaters--often throwing what they don't like down on the floor. And when something doesn't go their way, it feels like the end of the world!
Elizabeth is no exception! Tantrums are a daily part of life for us around here. In fact, the shear duration of each tantrum has increased in the last week or so... so much that during a few tantrums I had the time to go grab the camera and take these pics before the tantrum had ended - LOL ;) (Which I will have to post later, as my camera is acting up - urg!)
Yesterday, for example, we were reading an ABC book and when we got to the letter "K" there was a picture of a kangaroo. Elizabeth, however, thought it looked like a deer (her favorite animal these days)... anyway, this is the conversation (and meltdown) that ensued:
E: [pointing to the kangaroo] Deer! Deer!
Me: You're right, Elizabeth, that really does look like a deer, but actually it is a kangaroo.
E: [her voice more adamant] Deer! Deer!
Me: Yes, it does look like a deer... but it is actually a kangaroo; see its long tail?
E: [her voice getting angry/upset] DEER! DEER!
Me: I know it really does look like a deer, but this is a kangaroo and it likes to hop... boing, boing!
E: [Throwing the book down and bursting into tears] DEER! DEER!
Me: Okay Elizabeth, if you say its a deer, then its a deer.
Anyway, as a parent of a 14 month old (going on 14 year old) I have developed quite the arsenal of tactics for dealing with these tantrums. Sometimes they work. Sometimes they don't.
For starters, there's the "ignore-it" tactic. I remember learning about this one when taking a child development class in college... "simply ignore the tantrum, and the child will learn that his/her behavior will not elicit the outcome they desire, and the child will in turn discontinue such behavior." I use this tactic mainly when we are at home. Elizabeth throws a tantrum (crying, screaming, kicking, throwing), and after explaining to her why she can't have/do what she wants, I walk away and let her throw her tantrum. Usually it only takes a few minutes or so and she's over it. Probably our most effective tactic to date, although we are still waiting for that "discontinue" part to take effect ;)
Despite the power of the "ignore-it" tactic, this, however, is often not realistic in public places, as it breeds lots of glares (and even comments) from those around you... especially those who clearly don't have children. Thus, the "distraction" tactic is implored. It goes something like this... Elizabeth is kicking, she's screaming, she wants the toy you just passed, or wants to get out of the cart... Mommy says, "Will you please be a big helper and hold this jar of peanut butter for me!" Again, without giving in to what Elizabeth wants, this also helps (most of the time) to end the crisis (at least for five minutes, anyway).
There's also the "toddlerese" method from the popular "Happiest Toddler on the Block" series (our generation's Dr. Spock, which to be honest, I'm not real sure I buy into, but heck, I'm willing to try anything at this point). This method requires that you repeat back to the toddler their feelings, using their same intensity and language-style and gestures, and then explain why they cannot do/have what it is they want. This one is also not one I implore in public, for obvious reasons ;) It goes something like this: Elizabeth is mad that she can't go into the office and climb on the computer chair, and mad because mommy sent her out and shut the door. She throws herself down, crying in despair. Using "toddlerese," mommy goes: "Elizabeth mad! Elizabeth mad! Elizabeth mad, mommy shut the door! Mommy shut the door and Elizabeth mad! Elizabeth wants to play with the computer and mommy shut the door and that makes you mad! Elizabeth mad!... But mommy doesn't want you to fall and get hurt so now its time to go play with some books in this room. Come on!" Perhaps because I never actually read the book and just watched the DVD, that last one seems to work the least.
Anyway, life with a toddler is not easy. But as mentioned at the beginning of this post, the one good thing is that usually after just a few minutes of meltdown, life is back to being happy as usual. And with a lot of tears, also comes a lot joy! It is definitely an interesting phase!
The teenage years have nothing on us... terrible twos... here we come!
4 days ago
